I’m not someone who’s opinions and beliefs never change. I thought I was, but I was wrong. I was raised without religion (by a non-pedantic definition) and at an early age I decided for myself that there are no gods or supernatural forces. Upon hearing of this so-called lack of belief, it’s not entirely uncommon for people to ask that if I don’t believe in God then what do I believe? For me to ask myself the same question isn’t entirely uncommon either, here’s how my answer’s going so far, for now.

A long time ago a friend told me that I’m like a stone in a river. In the grand scheme of things that may not be much, but to all the other pebbles around me I’m a pretty important part of life. It’s the stupidest analogy I’ve ever heard – believe it or not that was my improved version – but how I view the world nowadays is pretty close. Just less stupid.

My life is temporary. I can accept that. Accepting that your life is also temporary is hard part. There are people in this world whom I love immensely and whom I never want to lose. I don’t want you to go.

“I can’t change the world but maybe I can brighten yours for just a moment” is a great-fitting little summary. I make no secret of the fact that I used to suffer from depression. Before it was always, “if we’ll all be gone, then what’s the point anyway?” I wish I could reply to my past self that it really is worth it. Love, joy, wonder – they’re incredible, aren’t they? Life is not an experience to be so readily slighted. I know my past self would retort that if they weren’t here, they wouldn’t know what they’re missing out on and they’d get to avoid all the negative feelings as well. True, but you won’t get another chance to be alive. If life itself has a purpose other than to simply exist it eludes me, but that doesn’t mean that your own life need be meaningless. You have worth and beauty even if they’re hidden from you. What you make of them is your choice, but I hope you do make something of them; I will help you if I can.

(I know a few kind words are no cure for depression though, and had this conversation actually taken place my past self might just have bitch-slapped me – I had rage. Oh, and time machines would exist. Which would be pretty fun until someone went back and stepped on the goo that became life. Then time machines wouldn’t exist. Then we wouldn’t… oh nevermind.)

So I dig into life as I would a stretch of wet sand simply because I enjoy it. Freely distributing love, joy and knowledge and coming by them myself gives me great pleasure. The hedonism does eventually stop though and I do have moral values from which I decline to stray. (Or perhaps by following said morals I avert pain and increase everyone’s pleasure – mine, and mine again as a result of increasing yours – and thus satisfy my hedonistic tendencies. Hrm.)

Confucius say, “What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others” – I think the vast majority of us keep in line with that one. We’re not about to traffic humans, rob banks, or go around punching random passers-by. Given the brilliance of life, I don’t wish to taint yours. I can’t tell you why I’ve always had morals (unless you want me to make something up), but this adoration of life helps me to further appreciate and expand upon them.

Here’s something I’ve learned recently. Once upon a time while blog-surfing, I came across an entry where the author quoted from a book about Buddhism he’d been reading. While the exact quote escapes me, the gist of it was that when you find yourself affected by anger, to remember that it is their anger; you need not let it become yours.

What a beautiful thought. An incredibly beautiful thought, and such a gently powerful idea. It was promptly added to my moral code has been in practise ever since. Now I see all the times I responded to anger with outrage and resentment when instead dignity and forgiveness would have sufficed. If only I could find the blog again to say thank you!

I’m learning religious tolerance. Actually a better phrase would be that I have tolerance for religion but not yet understanding. If your beliefs give your life meaning and lead you to live justly and with virtue, then I am happy for you. I imagine knowing that there is something grander than the universe itself must be… it must be nice. As someone who’s never been religious and most likely never will be though, I won’t be so brash as to try and describe it further.

May I ask you something other than this question that’s currently in progress? If it’s not too personal, what do your beliefs (or lack thereof) mean to you? Or what do they feel like? (I also enjoy ambiguous questions because what people choose to tell interests me just as much as what they say about it.) I’m a curious person who needs to listen to others more often. Your thoughts would be appreciated.

 
I am glad I kept it to myself. It’s just a shame that now you’ll always think it was my fault.

Well I do occasionally wield a camera, and it’s nearly impossible to get a decent shot of him when he’s on the alert. The solution? Distract with food (remember, he’s still a little witless). The result? Pictures with my baby’s cuute little face actually showing.

Oh, and even though I say he’s a he, I’m pretty sure by now that he’s a she. But I was so sure for so long that he was a he that I can’t stop calling him that.

The next photo’s from a while ago, but just in case you haven’t seen it here’s one of my favourite pictures of Dorothy:

It was taken a moment before she noticed I was there then shot me a look like I was being loud or something. Seriously, she looks at people like we’re the small ones. Aah well, Dorothy will be Dorothy, and she’ll still always be my little girl!

I’m anything but a romantic (except for perhaps, say, covered in sauce), but I am a huge fan of the little moments.

One time I was at Will’s place cooling down with those little portion-sized cartons of chocolate milk. Of course I stupidly ended up dripping some on his sheets.

“Whoops, sorry honey I’ll clean it up.”

*Will turns and feigns anger* “What are you doing?! I don’t go around pouring chocolate milk all over your bed!”

At which point the laughter exploded in a spray of sweet, delicous chocolate, through my nose and all over his bed.

That moment will stick with me for a long time. Not just because I’d never filled my nose with chocolate milk before (or anything else that shouldn’t be in there for that matter) but because I just felt so delighted.

There are so many moments that even after I’ve forgotten what we were doing or talking about I remember the delight. You know delight, the kind of happiness that makes you shimmy your shoulders. Humans don’t often delight me, but he does.

Love, laughter and friendship, now that’s what I’m talking about. So here’s to another year!

Spider-Man 3 was larger, faster, and unfortunately a tad less impressive than its predecessors. Don’t get me wrong though, I wasn’t bored for a second of it. Okay, I lied, I was bored for about 2 minutes and that was Kirsten Dunst’s fault. Man she’s irritating. The rest was good.

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

So now we have one hero who goes a bit bad but returns to good, two bad guys (one of whom isn’t all that bad), and one good guy turned bad turned good again. It went a little overboard, but the story was at worse crowded and definitely not confusing. Bringing in Gwen Stacy was a nice touch, bubbly and fun she was a welcome change of pace to a soggy Mary Jane.

Spidey becoming evil was interesting. The scene that expressed this wonderfully was his second fight with Harry/New Goblin. It was emotionally charged, something I reckon made the first two movies so good and was what was missing when it came to Spidey vs. Venom and Sandman. But what was with the dancing? It was amusing, yes, but also irrelevant and mildly disturbing.

As far as the graphics went, they were absolutely brilliant. The scene where Sandman first rises as a monster was beautiful, how he’d try, then fall apart, then try again. I loved how they did Venom – he looked awesome in full giganto mouth mode. (Unfortunately that view was rare and they showed him mostly with Eddie Brock’s face sticking out.) Oh, and better not forget the scene where Spidey tears off the black suit and the goo slithers down and covers Brock. Gorgeous.

And yay for “‘Nuff said”. 

Becca’s rating:
    

Will the man’s rating:

So far I’ve set it up with three widths (920px, 760px and fluid) and five different colour schemes.

You can see all the other options at the also-a-work-in-progress theme page. If you’d like, you can download what’s been done so far, but keep in mind that there will most likely be some major changes before I ‘officially’ release it. So really, only do that if you want to help bug hunt, give suggestions on how to improve it, etc…

Help!

Some points I’m pondering that I’d really appreciate your feedback on (open questions for all, you don’t have to have used it or even WordPress itself):

Should I use javascript to make the sidebar sections alternate?

Basically I don’t see how I can get things alternating with widgets the way it is, not to mention blogrolls, categories…etc. There could be an option to turn it off.

Should I kill some of the colour schemes?

Five’s a bit excessive, isn’t it? I intend to do some more work on all the schemes except blue/green, but you get the general idea about how they look. Which should stay and which get booted?

One thing I don’t want to do is split the different widths and colours into additional themes. I foresee maintaining them all would be a massive headache, and basically if I can keep things easy to update I’m more likely to put aside time to do so. I wouldn’t mind creating ‘add-on packs’ with the colour schemes that get kicked out though, there are already several I’ve already rejected through no fault of their own, and it seems silly not to share them just because they weren’t to my taste.

Also to do

• First and foremost, a better header image
• Option to add your own header image
• Widget support

Final note

Above all and in reference to the alternating sidebar sections, I don’t want this to become something that you need to fuss with or know HTML/CSS to use. That would entirely defeat the purpose of why I do this in the first place.

The theme of the night is “When I was young I wanted to be…” It mentions nothing about what you wanted to grow up to be, which will allow those who want to be idiots to be idiots and those who want to be shiny ballerinas to be shiny ballerinas. I on the other hand would much rather be…

The characters/people I’m considering right now are Lt. Cmdr. Data from Star Trek, Jareth the Goblin King from The Labyrinth, and Albert Einstein, who needs no introduction. Yes, I’ve always wanted to be a man with hair that makes puppies cry.

In favour of Jareth, it’s less make-up than I wear on an average day. It’d be easy to don a suit and wig for Einstein, but I don’t know how I’d age myself and really, no one’s going to recognise young Einstein.

Then there’s Data whom I love immensely, but I’d need a wig, coloured contacts, huge amounts of make-up and a Starfleet uniform. I’ve never put make-up in my ears before, do you reckon that could end badly?

And if I end up being incapable of creating the uniform I want, I could always go as his evil brother Lore. I’ve never been eevilbefore.

Choices, choices…

Vicki recently asked me what I do when I’m unhappy. I assumed she meant what I do in order to cheer myself up, so I replied that I might put on some music and bop, take a hot bath, or find the nearest close friend or relative, look them in the eye and go “Blerrghh – blarrggh!” It’s amazing how much the latter can make you feel better.

Considering that’s my favourite picker-upper I guess everyone else around me is feeling much better now too.