I guess I’m not as all right as I’d like to be. I don’t want to worry everyone around me, so I try to be happy for their sake, but I know I’m not really. I haven’t been sleeping, the site of food makes me feel like throwing up and I burst into a fit of tears the moment I woke up this morning (and then another one not long ago).

You know that feeling when it seems like your heart just doesn’t want to beat anymore?

That wasn’t an attempt at shitty poetry, just trying to express, well, who knows what. I keep going, mostly for Willie’s sake. To me, the statement that ‘he needs me’ is pretty powerful stuff. There are plenty of people who like having me around, enjoy my company and whatnot, but none of them need me. If I were to die today it would be their loss, but not their demise.

On to cheerier things though. Willie had a day off on Monday, so we went out and just bummed around until dinner time. After dinner we went back to his place to… um… relieve some stress. Always a good thing. Don’t you hate it when you get tongue-tied? We like to just chill out in between rounds but we kept losing things in the dark, so I blurted out, “Blargh, we have stop to got doing that!” Well done Becca, very eloquent.

Saw an interesting show on TV the other night about cosmetic and laser surgery in Hong Kong. I never really understood the local standards of beauty. Laser surgery to get rid of freckles? Plastic surgery for double eyelids? A lot of the women they interviewed were saying how they wanted to be someone who turned heads when walking down the street. Not to sound up myself, but I do a pretty good job of doing that even with my single eyelids and freckle covered cheeks, not to mention athletic figure (being stick thin is another ideal). Actually, it looks pretty damn freaky and unnatural when Asians have super defined double eyelids.

I should be off now, my motivation levels could not have been lower over the past few days and I don’t want to fall too far behind in my work. Study time for me now.

Well Willie only ended up getting his usual one day off instead of two, apparently another worker couldn’t make it so they called him to go in this morning. Oh well, at least he’ll still get that extra day off sometime in the future.

Had a great time yesterday though, we went shopping. Sometimes I annoy myself because of how picky I am, we walked for hours and all I bought was one little top. I did see a gorgeous black dress that really suited me, but I thought I should wait and look around a bit more before spending so much on it. There were also some nice tops in CK, but I’ll wait until Mom can come out with me for those since she has a VIP card (thanks to one crazed shopping spree we went on last year).

Random pics (none of the new top though, I’ll get one tonight once I’ve worn it)…

Sorry for the crappy quality, not enough light. Did you notice Willie shaved his head? Muah, he was delaying getting rid of his mop until it warmed up since it kept him cozy during the winter.

Had our usually for dinner, he had spaghetti and meatballs and I had grilled eggplant with cheese on ciabatta . Lol, I realised while we were eating that we’re still such kids. He likes soft bread with his meal and was served with crisp baguette slices, so I offered, “I’ll trade you some of my ciabatta if you’ll give me some of your French bread.” Primary school lunchtime all over again.

Afterwards we decided that our feet weren’t nearly tortured enough, so we wandered around the shops until they started to close. One nice thing about Hong Kong is that if you don’t want to go outside, you don’t have to. It’s been pretty warm lately, but staying indoors is easy when you’re in a mall that connects to three others. Friends who visit from other countries are always amazed when I show them that.

Site-wise, I guess I’ve been being a bit slack lately. I’m just in one of those uninspired moods, plenty of ideas but no motivation to get anything done. Probably just a phase though, I’ll be back to being my computer obsessed self soon enough.

I hope everyone had a great Mother’s Day. We didn’t do all too much over at my place, I guess my mom and I are pretty similar in that we don’t like to people fuss over us, but it was a good day nonetheless.

Something strange is going on with my phone! I keep my cordless by my bed during the night so that Willie can call me anytime he wants to, but all night (and even now) I’ve been getting these calls where when I pick up all I can here are long beeping tones. They’re not like a fax or on hold beeps, in fact I’ve never heard a phone make them before. Very weird. I turned off the ringer after being woken a couple of times and turned it back on this morning, but I’m still getting them (I need to keep it on though in case anyone wants to get through to me).

Willie has two days in a row off this week, yay! He gets an extra day off since he worked through Ching Ming. We don’t see each other nearly as much as we’d like because of his working hours (he works in a Japanese restaurant 10-11 hours a day, 6 days a week) so we’ll definitely be making the most of this opportunity.

There are so many movies that need watching coming out this summer, I can’t wait. I haven’t gone to the cinema in ages simply because nothing that’s come out over the past few months has interested me. On my list right now are The Day After Tomorrow, Shrek 2, Troy and Man on Fire.

I’ve put on a bit of weight lately, which is a good thing. I’ve started working out a bit more so I’m guessing it’s just muscle. I lost about 4kg when I stopped my daily workouts, which annoyed me because I knew it was all the muscle I’d worked so hard to build.

Baking-wise, the chiffon cake turned out beautifully. I love chiffon cakes, they’re easy enough to make, always come out of the oven perfect and fluffy and they get rave reviews. The citrus flavour was perfect, light and summery, I’ll be adding the recipe to the recipes section later on for those who are interested.